No need to feel pressured to settle in relationships

You’ve all heard it before: “settle down before it’s too late,” “you don’t want to end up old and lonely” or other similar phrases. These sayings are complete and total nonsense; one should never feel pressured to settle for love. Just a few days ago, though, author Lori Gottlieb had a book published – “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough” – based on a column she wrote for The Atlantic.

This book details reasons why women need to stop expecting the perfect man. Gottlieb uses scare tactics to tell women that settling for a man who is an “eight” rather than a “ten” is a reasonable expectation.

Gottlieb’s book is written to address older women, but this issue is not exclusive to them. Numerous girls, starting as early as high school, spend months – even years –  with men they are less than fond of. Most people either know someone who has been in this situation or have been this person themselves. It is not good to be in a relationship with someone you consider to be only decent – the eight out of 10 – nor is it fair to that person.

Additionally, Gottlieb talks about how “every woman” she knows, “no matter how successful and ambitious, how financially and emotionally secure – feels panic, occasionally coupled with desperation, if she hits 30 and finds herself unmarried.”
According to Gottlieb, any woman who disagrees is either in denial or lying to herself. This is quite a ridiculous notion to subscribe to. Plenty of women and men find love in their later years – more successful and lasting love, even – without the need to pick someone out of the blue who is just “good enough.”

Ladies, you don’t have to settle for “Mr. Good Enough” (or Ms., for that matter, although Gottlieb does not address anything other than heterosexual relationships). Don’t settle for someone whose voice grinds on your nerves, whose favorite hobby is bossing you around or who doesn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Don’t let someone else tell you that you can’t find someone perfect for you.

By all means, pursue a significant other through whatever means you desire. All that matters is how you feel about your partner. Don’t settle for him or her because that’s what society tells you is right. If you make the conscious decision to settle, that is fine as well.  But don’t think you have to be with any man who will take you just because no one else will.

And gentlemen, this dilemma is not exclusive to ladies. Although not quite under the same pressure from society and not usually given a sell-by date for marriage, there are still expectations for being in a relationship. Do not feel the need to be with someone who does not appreciate you for you. Treat a romantic partner well and you will find one you deserve.
Be in a relationship for yourself. For your partner. Be in a relationship because you want to be with him or her, not because you think you have no other prospects and you just need someone to be with. Whatever decision you decide to make, make it with care and with consciousness. Will you be happy with eight out of 10? If so, that’s great for you. But don’t let someone else pressure you into believing that.

Your happiness is key. Being in a relationship is important not just for women but for men too. But the attitude of finding someone that you can simply tolerate is not a good one. Would you ever want to feel like someone else’s second choice? In order to maintain a healthy, equal relationship, don’t ever feel obligated to having a significant other just for the sake of having one.