New Jersey: The armpit of America
Mike Spangenberg/Weekly Columnist
Issue date: 4/11/02 Section: Commentary
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Facing a nagging case of writer's block this week, I've decided to clear the bench and bring in the reserves. Therefore, I humbly present my Declaration of Reasons Why I Hate New Jersey. Now, before I go any further, let me preface all of this by saying that the following is all in good fun and not to be taken too seriously. I have plenty of friends from New Jersey and I think they're all wonderful people. That being said...
The amount of time I have spent in New Jersey has led me to one conclusive and indisputable fact: it sucks. When you present this conclusion to someone from New Jersey, they will most certainly accuse you of judging the state based on a small strip of land surrounding the highways that pass through the state. This past fall, however, I volunteered on the campaign of now-governor Jim McGreevey and saw a great deal of the state beyond the highways. Unfortunately it's not much better.
The problem is that the entire state is really just one giant strip off a highway. Every town that you drive through is exactly the same. The outside of the town is composed of a number of gated communities and suburban developments with names like "Bubblybrook Meadows" or "Sunset Hills." Each of these developments consists of row after row of the exact same house, with the exact same paint job, each spaced exactly four and one half feet from the neighboring house. The only difference between homes is the color of the SUV in the driveway.
Down the center of every town is the main "strip." The strip consists of: an Applebees, a Wal-Mart, a Chevy Dealer, a diner and a Motor Inn, though not necessarily in that order. It doesn't matter where you get off the highway because you will be met with this exact configuration no matter where you are. The only reason that Trenton is the capital is that its Wal-Mart is a "Super Center."
One of the most common complaints against New Jersey is its famous highway system, and for good reason. The New Jersey Turnpike is a long, boring road that crosses the state from North to South. The state is so dull, that the highway planners could only manage to come up with about nineteen different locations where anyone would actually want to get off of this road, and five or six of these are right at New York City. This is why when you're in Jersey, asking someone, "what exit" they live near gives only a broad, general description of where that person resides.
The amount of time I have spent in New Jersey has led me to one conclusive and indisputable fact: it sucks. When you present this conclusion to someone from New Jersey, they will most certainly accuse you of judging the state based on a small strip of land surrounding the highways that pass through the state. This past fall, however, I volunteered on the campaign of now-governor Jim McGreevey and saw a great deal of the state beyond the highways. Unfortunately it's not much better.
The problem is that the entire state is really just one giant strip off a highway. Every town that you drive through is exactly the same. The outside of the town is composed of a number of gated communities and suburban developments with names like "Bubblybrook Meadows" or "Sunset Hills." Each of these developments consists of row after row of the exact same house, with the exact same paint job, each spaced exactly four and one half feet from the neighboring house. The only difference between homes is the color of the SUV in the driveway.
Down the center of every town is the main "strip." The strip consists of: an Applebees, a Wal-Mart, a Chevy Dealer, a diner and a Motor Inn, though not necessarily in that order. It doesn't matter where you get off the highway because you will be met with this exact configuration no matter where you are. The only reason that Trenton is the capital is that its Wal-Mart is a "Super Center."
One of the most common complaints against New Jersey is its famous highway system, and for good reason. The New Jersey Turnpike is a long, boring road that crosses the state from North to South. The state is so dull, that the highway planners could only manage to come up with about nineteen different locations where anyone would actually want to get off of this road, and five or six of these are right at New York City. This is why when you're in Jersey, asking someone, "what exit" they live near gives only a broad, general description of where that person resides.