Spring Break
Tips For Surviving Christmas
Greg Pivarnik
Issue date: 12/8/06 Section: Commentary
Around this time every year, we as Americans look forward to celebrating that birthday of a special someone. Yes, I am talking about the one and only Jesus Christ. It is a time for giving and receiving gifts, and for those fortunate few, the annual trip to church (semiannual for those who attend also on Easter). Christmas is coming and there is a lot that needs to get done, from buying presents to spending time with friends and family. Christmas can be a time of great joy but it can also bring enormous hassles. So, I have come to the conclusion that I have a responsibility, using my position of great stature, to impart some knowledge on how to enjoy the festivities without getting a migraine.
1. First we have to get to Christmas. It is almost time for winter break, but the dreaded week of finals commences Monday. I know many of you can't wait to see Santa Clause, or drink alcoholic-free eggnog, but grades can be made or broken next week. A whole semester's worth of information from multiple classes has to be crammed into the space between your ears. If you really want to do yourself a favor, start studying immediately. Last minute cramming only adds stress.
2. Receiving and giving gifts may be fun, but shopping for them can be aggravating. If you're one of the motivated people and have already done your holiday shopping, then you deserve a medal. If you're like most of us, you probably haven't figured out what to get everybody. To avoid holiday stress try and get the shopping done as soon as possible after arriving at home. Avoid the unnecessary long lines and the hassle of dealing with irritable last minute shoppers. If possible try and get your shopping done online. You can find anything on eBay.
3. Don't, for any reason, buy anybody socks or tacky sweaters for presents. The smile and joy you see on your relatives face is only a disguise for, "I should punch you in the stomach right now." If I ever get socks they better either be filled with at least a thousand dollars or a gift certificate to my favorite brothel, otherwise they'll get thrown in the fireplace.
1. First we have to get to Christmas. It is almost time for winter break, but the dreaded week of finals commences Monday. I know many of you can't wait to see Santa Clause, or drink alcoholic-free eggnog, but grades can be made or broken next week. A whole semester's worth of information from multiple classes has to be crammed into the space between your ears. If you really want to do yourself a favor, start studying immediately. Last minute cramming only adds stress.
2. Receiving and giving gifts may be fun, but shopping for them can be aggravating. If you're one of the motivated people and have already done your holiday shopping, then you deserve a medal. If you're like most of us, you probably haven't figured out what to get everybody. To avoid holiday stress try and get the shopping done as soon as possible after arriving at home. Avoid the unnecessary long lines and the hassle of dealing with irritable last minute shoppers. If possible try and get your shopping done online. You can find anything on eBay.
3. Don't, for any reason, buy anybody socks or tacky sweaters for presents. The smile and joy you see on your relatives face is only a disguise for, "I should punch you in the stomach right now." If I ever get socks they better either be filled with at least a thousand dollars or a gift certificate to my favorite brothel, otherwise they'll get thrown in the fireplace.
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