The Daily Campus

Issue date: 12/8/06 Section: Commentary

Are you nervous about finals?

Or has the slew of work this past week left you jaded to the point that you don't care?

Do you remember, way back in 2001, when Aerosmith had a song titled "Jaded"?

Did you think the nonsensical lyrics were a j-j-j-j-joke?

What was the last good joke you heard?

Did it involve a priest, a rabbi and a minister?

Or Mark Foley, an orphanage and a litany of adult toys to explicit to mention here?

Does the thought of orphans around the holidays make you want to give to charity?

Or would you rather swim through your giant mound of gold coins, ala Scrooge McDuck?

Growing up, were you more a "Ducktales" fan or an "Alvin and the Chipmunks" fan?

Have you ever wondered how a human being was the chipmunks' father?

Did you shudder contemplating how this genetic feat was achieved?

Did you know that the chipmunks were named after record label executives?

Who is your favorite musical artist not on a major record label?

Do you listen to music that's not on the radio?

What do you plan on doing over the break?

Are you going to get a head start on next semester's reading?

Or maybe just kick back with an assortment of expensive "winter lagers"?

Or do you not like beers brewed with the taste of cinnamon sticks, cranberries and orange peels?

Do you think the first brewers of beer could have ever imagined such a ridiculous amalgamation?

Do you know the definition of "amalgamation"?

What about "ostensibly," "ipso facto," "zeitgeist," "portmanteau" or "supercilious"?

Perhaps "bootylicious"?

Are you wishing for some booty over the break?

Did you realize the above sentence was referring to gifts?

Are you excited about the holidays?

Or have they simply devolved into joyless exchanges of presents, devoid of meaning given your absence of faith in the divine?

Do you think there is a god?

Is that too big a question to end off this Just Wonderings?

Ok, how about - is there a Santa Claus?

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