Spring Break
A Running Diary Of The Republican Debate
Kyle Thomas
Issue date: 6/11/07 Section: Commentary
It's the summertime and no one is in Storrs, save for the few geeks taking summer classes, trying to get ahead. That means no one is going to read what I am right now composing. So I'm going to try something new. I'm going to write a running diary of the New Hampshire Republican Debate (aired last Tuesday), and if it sucks only my mother will have to read it. Here it goes:
7:00 p.m. - Wolf Blitzer introduces the debate exactly the same way he did for the Democrats. God bless the teleprompter, and God bless Wolf Blitzer's beard.
7:02 p.m. - Introduction of the candidates. Tommy Thompson takes a shot at Fred Thompson for having the same last name as him. In other news, Fred Thompson gets one more minute of free press.
7:04 p.m. - Who is Duncan Hunter?
7:05 p.m. - It seems someone in the audience has brought in a buzzer, and when someone speaks who he or she doesn't like, they ring it loudly.
7:06 p.m. - One minute into the debate, and Mitt Romney has already sidestepped two questions on Iraq. Rudy Giuliani answers the Iraq question, and hears the buzzer.
7:08 p.m. - John McCain looks like the alien in "Men in Black" that uses a human skin over his bug-like body. His tie, on the other hand, looks like a tasty Christmas candy cane.
7:12 p.m. - Tommy Thompson yells when he talks. Having a normal conversation with him must be miserable.
7:14 p.m. - Ron Paul hears two buzzers. That's rough. In a debate full of buzzes, he actually received one more buzz than anyone else.
7:22 p.m. - Tom Tancredo's hair is styled in such a way to make it appear as though he has a mullet. While trying to figure out whether or not it is a mullet, I missed his answer to a question. But, I did hear him say that being bilingual is bad. That's right. People who speak Spanish and English will destroy the fabric of America.
7:26 p.m. - Romney blasts the Z-Visa. McCain sponsored the bill introducing the Z-Visa. While answering, the skin on McCain's neck droops a little further.
7:00 p.m. - Wolf Blitzer introduces the debate exactly the same way he did for the Democrats. God bless the teleprompter, and God bless Wolf Blitzer's beard.
7:02 p.m. - Introduction of the candidates. Tommy Thompson takes a shot at Fred Thompson for having the same last name as him. In other news, Fred Thompson gets one more minute of free press.
7:04 p.m. - Who is Duncan Hunter?
7:05 p.m. - It seems someone in the audience has brought in a buzzer, and when someone speaks who he or she doesn't like, they ring it loudly.
7:06 p.m. - One minute into the debate, and Mitt Romney has already sidestepped two questions on Iraq. Rudy Giuliani answers the Iraq question, and hears the buzzer.
7:08 p.m. - John McCain looks like the alien in "Men in Black" that uses a human skin over his bug-like body. His tie, on the other hand, looks like a tasty Christmas candy cane.
7:12 p.m. - Tommy Thompson yells when he talks. Having a normal conversation with him must be miserable.
7:14 p.m. - Ron Paul hears two buzzers. That's rough. In a debate full of buzzes, he actually received one more buzz than anyone else.
7:22 p.m. - Tom Tancredo's hair is styled in such a way to make it appear as though he has a mullet. While trying to figure out whether or not it is a mullet, I missed his answer to a question. But, I did hear him say that being bilingual is bad. That's right. People who speak Spanish and English will destroy the fabric of America.
7:26 p.m. - Romney blasts the Z-Visa. McCain sponsored the bill introducing the Z-Visa. While answering, the skin on McCain's neck droops a little further.
Viewing Comments 1 - 1 of 1
sugag15
Garry
posted 6/12/07 @ 10:21 PM EST
Tancredo is insane, Romney is a suit and a hairdo and Ron Paul... is a libertarian. Do Paul's libertarian stances automatically disqualify him, or do they mean that he represents an actual choice in comparison to the corporate stooges appearing beside him on stage?
I tend to think the latter. (Continued…)
Post a Comment