Spring Break
Is Valentine's Day Really All That Sweet?
Bryan Murphy
Issue date: 2/15/08 Section: Commentary
According to legend, Roman Emperor Claudius II passed a law banning marriage for young men, believing that single males made for better recruits for his armies and their long, bloody campaigns.
Into this bleak picture stepped a Catholic priest named Valentine, who, being a decent bloke and all in favor of the whole monogamy and marriage angle, continued to conduct marital ceremonies in secret. Except, evidently, they were not secretive enough, since Valentine was arrested by Claudius and sentenced to being clubbed, stoned and beheaded. Valentine was thrown in jail awaiting his execution, but he was something of a multi-tasker; while languishing in prison awaiting his death, he managed to befriend the daughter of his jailer, fall in love with her and write her a farewell love-letter which he signed "From Your Valentine." Oh, and he also cured the jailer's daughter of blindness. What a Saint! And from this event, in about 270 A.D., sprang Valentine's Day, a reputable historical day to celebrate love and coupling which can be traced to the oldest of times.
All of which would be a totally awesome and sweet story if any of it were even remotely true at all, which none of it is.
Fact is, Valentine's Day is about the biggest farce you can buy into; it has about as much historical legitimacy as the Piltdown Man. If one chooses to celebrate Valentine's Day as an excuse to get that special someone naked in exchange for chocolates and floral perishables, then rock on - I can heartily support gratuitous nudity and sexual activity for frivolous reasons. However, if one chooses to buy into the supposed historical and emotional pap surrounding the holiday - well, one might as well go around proclaiming the virtues of L. Ron Hubbard and insisting that Ron Paul has a legitimate chance at the Presidency, if one is so set on appearing foolish.
If people are going to continue celebrating Valentine's Day - as they probably will - they ought to do so with the full awareness that they are participating in a hedonistic capitalist construction without the slightest shred of verifiable Christian or Romantic history. Thus, a brief rundown of the origins of the holiday is definitely in order.
Into this bleak picture stepped a Catholic priest named Valentine, who, being a decent bloke and all in favor of the whole monogamy and marriage angle, continued to conduct marital ceremonies in secret. Except, evidently, they were not secretive enough, since Valentine was arrested by Claudius and sentenced to being clubbed, stoned and beheaded. Valentine was thrown in jail awaiting his execution, but he was something of a multi-tasker; while languishing in prison awaiting his death, he managed to befriend the daughter of his jailer, fall in love with her and write her a farewell love-letter which he signed "From Your Valentine." Oh, and he also cured the jailer's daughter of blindness. What a Saint! And from this event, in about 270 A.D., sprang Valentine's Day, a reputable historical day to celebrate love and coupling which can be traced to the oldest of times.
All of which would be a totally awesome and sweet story if any of it were even remotely true at all, which none of it is.
Fact is, Valentine's Day is about the biggest farce you can buy into; it has about as much historical legitimacy as the Piltdown Man. If one chooses to celebrate Valentine's Day as an excuse to get that special someone naked in exchange for chocolates and floral perishables, then rock on - I can heartily support gratuitous nudity and sexual activity for frivolous reasons. However, if one chooses to buy into the supposed historical and emotional pap surrounding the holiday - well, one might as well go around proclaiming the virtues of L. Ron Hubbard and insisting that Ron Paul has a legitimate chance at the Presidency, if one is so set on appearing foolish.
If people are going to continue celebrating Valentine's Day - as they probably will - they ought to do so with the full awareness that they are participating in a hedonistic capitalist construction without the slightest shred of verifiable Christian or Romantic history. Thus, a brief rundown of the origins of the holiday is definitely in order.
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