Spring Break
An Honest-To-Goodness Obesity Solution
Alex Schaefer
Issue date: 4/11/08 Section: Commentary
Food is now causing anger. Menu items are aggravating patrons. It's only a matter of time before people in restaurants start to react violently over more than just a fly in their soup.
Listen to what Lawrence Gostin has to say. He's a U.S. professor of health law at Georgetown University and he gave a presentation at the recent Oxford Health Alliance Summit that admitted global terrorism was a real threat but posed far less risk than obesity, diabetes and smoking-related illnesses. He's quoted as saying, "While we've been focusing so much attention on that [terrorism], we've had this silent epidemic of obesity that's killing millions of people around the world and we're devoting very little attention to it and a negligible amount of money." That is some scary stuff. Obesity is a danger. It's only a matter of time before obese people start bringing down airplanes.
"To Catch a Predator" has been extremely successful. One cannot attempt to give a kid on the street ice cream anymore without his mother snatching him away in fear. This is why I propose a new show. "To Catch a Fat Person." Hear me out.
A morbidly obese individual squeezes his way into a McDonalds and waddles up to the counter. He orders six Big Macs and gets huffy when the woman at the counter has to start the order over because her fat fingers hit too many buttons. Just as this hulking behemoth catches the aroma of her impending light snack, Chris Hanson walks out from behind the deep fryer.
"What are you doing here miss?"
"Uhh, I'm buying these for my family."
"I have transcripts from your visit to the 'I'm a McAddcit chatroom this morning. They tell a different story."
"I, uhh, this is my first time!"
"Oh ho ho, maybe your first time this morning."
I could continue but you get the drift. Though my new show will take strides towards fixing the current problem, more can be done. Just like the signs at carnivals that say, "You must be this tall to ride," I say restaurants post regulations and signs outside that say, "You must be this BMI (Body Mass Index) to eat certain foods." Right next to the maitre d' or at the counter at fast food restaurants will be one of those scale/height measurers with a built in BMI calculator. According to their readout, they will either be green-lighted to order a Whopper or told you are required, by law, to stick to a salad. This system could also be extremely beneficial to those at the other end of the spectrum. There is the problem of bulimia and anorexia that gets much less press than obesity these days. If one of the sufferers of these afflictions walks onto the scale they will be told that it is mandatory, per city rules, that they order a whopper, maybe even a double whopper for those that score extremely low. I want everybody to be accounted for.
Staff Columnist Alex Schaefer is an 8th-semester accounting major. He can be contacted at Alexander.Schaefer@UConn.edu.
Listen to what Lawrence Gostin has to say. He's a U.S. professor of health law at Georgetown University and he gave a presentation at the recent Oxford Health Alliance Summit that admitted global terrorism was a real threat but posed far less risk than obesity, diabetes and smoking-related illnesses. He's quoted as saying, "While we've been focusing so much attention on that [terrorism], we've had this silent epidemic of obesity that's killing millions of people around the world and we're devoting very little attention to it and a negligible amount of money." That is some scary stuff. Obesity is a danger. It's only a matter of time before obese people start bringing down airplanes.
"To Catch a Predator" has been extremely successful. One cannot attempt to give a kid on the street ice cream anymore without his mother snatching him away in fear. This is why I propose a new show. "To Catch a Fat Person." Hear me out.
A morbidly obese individual squeezes his way into a McDonalds and waddles up to the counter. He orders six Big Macs and gets huffy when the woman at the counter has to start the order over because her fat fingers hit too many buttons. Just as this hulking behemoth catches the aroma of her impending light snack, Chris Hanson walks out from behind the deep fryer.
"What are you doing here miss?"
"Uhh, I'm buying these for my family."
"I have transcripts from your visit to the 'I'm a McAddcit chatroom this morning. They tell a different story."
"I, uhh, this is my first time!"
"Oh ho ho, maybe your first time this morning."
I could continue but you get the drift. Though my new show will take strides towards fixing the current problem, more can be done. Just like the signs at carnivals that say, "You must be this tall to ride," I say restaurants post regulations and signs outside that say, "You must be this BMI (Body Mass Index) to eat certain foods." Right next to the maitre d' or at the counter at fast food restaurants will be one of those scale/height measurers with a built in BMI calculator. According to their readout, they will either be green-lighted to order a Whopper or told you are required, by law, to stick to a salad. This system could also be extremely beneficial to those at the other end of the spectrum. There is the problem of bulimia and anorexia that gets much less press than obesity these days. If one of the sufferers of these afflictions walks onto the scale they will be told that it is mandatory, per city rules, that they order a whopper, maybe even a double whopper for those that score extremely low. I want everybody to be accounted for.
Staff Columnist Alex Schaefer is an 8th-semester accounting major. He can be contacted at Alexander.Schaefer@UConn.edu.
Viewing Comments 1 - 3 of 4
Evan Barry
posted 4/11/08 @ 12:51 PM EST
Is this supposed to be sarcastic or is it the typical trash being published in the daily campus?
Juliet
posted 4/12/08 @ 4:34 PM EST
I'm sure you think yourself terribly clever and probably got a big laugh from your frat boy friends. Consider doing a little research.
The "obesity epidemic" is largely dribble. (Continued…)
vesta44
posted 4/13/08 @ 4:25 PM EST
If this is an example of your rapier wit, I would say it needs some serious honing. I don't find anything humorous about eating disorders or the obesity epi-panic hysteria. (Continued…)
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