Spring Break
The Top 10 Movies That Just Aren't That Good
RidicuList
John Bailey
Issue date: 4/18/08 Section: Focus
10. Monty Python
and the Holy Grail
Even complaining about this movie has become tired. We all know every single stupid line. Let Graham Chapman rest in peace.
9. Boondock Saints
Shooting people isn't that cool. In fact, it's wrong. Even if you're reciting lines from the Bible. And hey, did you guys ever think about all the work God has to do to decipher your accent? The poor guy! He probably doesn't even know what you're saying! There are jokes in this movie that are actually completely unintelligible without the subtitles. "Yuh luk-luk mushmuth farm furt erlbert!" Ha ha! Hilarious!
8. 300
Everyone knows that the most important end that we could ever aspire to is to give our lives honorably defending Sparta against waves of Middle Eastern transvestites, right? 300 is practically fascist in its implicit argument: kill the foreigners, kill the peaceniks, kill the creepy homosexuals and you'll all be remembered forever. And if you can get past that, it's not even a very fun movie. Nothing is "said", everything has to be proclaimed by huge men in red diapers, all the women are prostitutes and the action is obnoxiously repetitive after five minutes. Who knew there were so many places you could hit a Persian with a sword?
7. Moulin Rouge
Moulin Rouge is loud, glittery, shiny and everything in it moves really fast. Every other word is "love". It feels like it was written by a squadron of teenage girls at a slumber party. And of course, the total extent of "love" in this movie is "having sex with someone attractive." "Don't have sex for money," says Ewan McGregor's character. "no, that's bad! Have sex with me, because I love you! I love you because you're hot! This relationship doesn't make any sense! We met each other ten seconds ago!"
6. V for Vendetta
This movie was based on a graphic novel, which you probably know. It wasn't a bad graphic novel, as far as comics go, but the movie took what was acceptable entertainment and ruined it. There were moments of nuance, subtlety and powerful, interesting character development in the comic, and the film took them out and replaced them with kung-fu knife fights. Terrorism isn't actually that attractive, even if you have memorized the entire "V" speech.
and the Holy Grail
Even complaining about this movie has become tired. We all know every single stupid line. Let Graham Chapman rest in peace.
9. Boondock Saints
Shooting people isn't that cool. In fact, it's wrong. Even if you're reciting lines from the Bible. And hey, did you guys ever think about all the work God has to do to decipher your accent? The poor guy! He probably doesn't even know what you're saying! There are jokes in this movie that are actually completely unintelligible without the subtitles. "Yuh luk-luk mushmuth farm furt erlbert!" Ha ha! Hilarious!
8. 300
Everyone knows that the most important end that we could ever aspire to is to give our lives honorably defending Sparta against waves of Middle Eastern transvestites, right? 300 is practically fascist in its implicit argument: kill the foreigners, kill the peaceniks, kill the creepy homosexuals and you'll all be remembered forever. And if you can get past that, it's not even a very fun movie. Nothing is "said", everything has to be proclaimed by huge men in red diapers, all the women are prostitutes and the action is obnoxiously repetitive after five minutes. Who knew there were so many places you could hit a Persian with a sword?
7. Moulin Rouge
Moulin Rouge is loud, glittery, shiny and everything in it moves really fast. Every other word is "love". It feels like it was written by a squadron of teenage girls at a slumber party. And of course, the total extent of "love" in this movie is "having sex with someone attractive." "Don't have sex for money," says Ewan McGregor's character. "no, that's bad! Have sex with me, because I love you! I love you because you're hot! This relationship doesn't make any sense! We met each other ten seconds ago!"
6. V for Vendetta
This movie was based on a graphic novel, which you probably know. It wasn't a bad graphic novel, as far as comics go, but the movie took what was acceptable entertainment and ruined it. There were moments of nuance, subtlety and powerful, interesting character development in the comic, and the film took them out and replaced them with kung-fu knife fights. Terrorism isn't actually that attractive, even if you have memorized the entire "V" speech.
Viewing Comments 1 - 1 of 1
riki Rushing
riki Rushing
posted 4/28/08 @ 4:08 PM EST
which top ten were you looking at?
me thinks thou doth protest too much.
some of these are gems...
not necessarily top tens.
you are obviously not much of a lover of the absurd -- you gotta know how to take tongue-in-cheek when you see it!
as for 300 . (Continued…)
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