Spring Break
Fetishes: To tell or not to tell
John Bailey
Issue date: 10/1/08 Section: Focus
Tonight's the night.
You've been putting it off, waiting it out, letting it simmer - but it needs to come out. You need to tell them. You can't wait any longer. What if they laugh? What if they just break up with you?
"Honey?"
"Yes?"
"Have you ever thought about..."
"OH MY GOD, THAT'S DISGUSTING! I HATE YOU!"
Sex is a big joke. Let's not kid ourselves. Everything about it is hilarious. If it's not obvious while you're doing it, it's really, painfully obvious when that guy down the hall is doing it on a Tuesday evening and his walls are really thin.
So why is telling your lover about your fetish so awkward?
Perhaps it's a pride issue. People put a lot of stock in their ability to perform in bed and being known as an embarrassing bedmate might do a lot of damage to your carefully manicured cred. Or maybe you're just insecure in your own sexual identity. Or maybe you're just gross.
"It's hard to put that stuff into words," said Eliza Caldwell, a 3rd-semester English major. "It could be really awkward if it's too early in a relationship, and you're not quite comfortable yet."
So how are you gonna bring it up? It's been months, maybe even a year and your sex life is getting boring. The standard bump-and-grind isn't cutting it any more. It's not healthy to keep all this stuff in.
You could always write a letter.
"Maybe you could do something like a note," said Sean Carey, a 7th-semester philosophy major. "Making it less personal. If people are really self-conscious, it could be a good way to communicate things that would be really awkward to say."
The problem with something like that, however; is that you're taking all the personal elements out of the discussion. I mean, sure, you've got the best-case scenario where the next time they see you, they've got a gigantic grin and a whip hidden behind their back, but the chances are a lot greater that you'll simply alienate them. What does it say about your relationship if you're not able to bring up even the most basic kinks in person?
You've been putting it off, waiting it out, letting it simmer - but it needs to come out. You need to tell them. You can't wait any longer. What if they laugh? What if they just break up with you?
"Honey?"
"Yes?"
"Have you ever thought about..."
"OH MY GOD, THAT'S DISGUSTING! I HATE YOU!"
Sex is a big joke. Let's not kid ourselves. Everything about it is hilarious. If it's not obvious while you're doing it, it's really, painfully obvious when that guy down the hall is doing it on a Tuesday evening and his walls are really thin.
So why is telling your lover about your fetish so awkward?
Perhaps it's a pride issue. People put a lot of stock in their ability to perform in bed and being known as an embarrassing bedmate might do a lot of damage to your carefully manicured cred. Or maybe you're just insecure in your own sexual identity. Or maybe you're just gross.
"It's hard to put that stuff into words," said Eliza Caldwell, a 3rd-semester English major. "It could be really awkward if it's too early in a relationship, and you're not quite comfortable yet."
So how are you gonna bring it up? It's been months, maybe even a year and your sex life is getting boring. The standard bump-and-grind isn't cutting it any more. It's not healthy to keep all this stuff in.
You could always write a letter.
"Maybe you could do something like a note," said Sean Carey, a 7th-semester philosophy major. "Making it less personal. If people are really self-conscious, it could be a good way to communicate things that would be really awkward to say."
The problem with something like that, however; is that you're taking all the personal elements out of the discussion. I mean, sure, you've got the best-case scenario where the next time they see you, they've got a gigantic grin and a whip hidden behind their back, but the chances are a lot greater that you'll simply alienate them. What does it say about your relationship if you're not able to bring up even the most basic kinks in person?
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