Spring Break
Small additions for a more entertaining election
John Bailey
Issue date: 10/13/08 Section: Focus
When leaving the House of Commons one evening, Bessie Braddock, a fellow member of Parliament, declared "Winston, you're drunk."
His response? "Madam, you're ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober."
Imagine a candidate with a tongue like that today - let alone a candidate who left Congress drunk. He'd be absolutely roasted; but then, of course, he'd be Winston Churchill, so we'd all vote for him anyway. The lesson we need to learn is that we need more alcohol in the Capitol building.
Political animals
It's possible that Caligula's famous attempted election of his horse Incitatus to the Roman Senate was merely a jab at the general insanity of politics, rather than a testament to his own personal insanity. But I bet the Romans just loved that stuff. "Man," they'd say, "imagine if Caligula croaks - that horse would be a heartbeat away from the Emperorship." Then they'd get invaded by barbarians.
Regardless, we can agree that more animals should be running around during election cycles. "America's Funniest Home Videos: Election Edition" would beat Tina Fey any day. Both parties already have animal mascots - it's not a hard jump to make. Obama would most likely have an advantage, with the powerful, Christ-like image of riding a donkey; of course, McCain would be riding an elephant, so even if he didn't win the election, many probably wouldn't be able to stop him.
His response? "Madam, you're ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober."
Imagine a candidate with a tongue like that today - let alone a candidate who left Congress drunk. He'd be absolutely roasted; but then, of course, he'd be Winston Churchill, so we'd all vote for him anyway. The lesson we need to learn is that we need more alcohol in the Capitol building.
Political animals
It's possible that Caligula's famous attempted election of his horse Incitatus to the Roman Senate was merely a jab at the general insanity of politics, rather than a testament to his own personal insanity. But I bet the Romans just loved that stuff. "Man," they'd say, "imagine if Caligula croaks - that horse would be a heartbeat away from the Emperorship." Then they'd get invaded by barbarians.
Regardless, we can agree that more animals should be running around during election cycles. "America's Funniest Home Videos: Election Edition" would beat Tina Fey any day. Both parties already have animal mascots - it's not a hard jump to make. Obama would most likely have an advantage, with the powerful, Christ-like image of riding a donkey; of course, McCain would be riding an elephant, so even if he didn't win the election, many probably wouldn't be able to stop him.
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