Spring Break
Just Wonderings: Thanksgiving Edition
Issue date: 11/21/08 Section: Commentary
What are you thankful for?
How about your friends?
Your family?
All your annoying cousins?
Even the hot ones?
Thank goodness for cheap boxed wine at family reunions.
But what if you don't like boxed wine?
What about mulled cider?
How do you mull something anyway?
Does mulled just mean heated?
Can someone Wikipedia that?
Is there a difference between between mulled and spiked?
How drunk can I get before my parents figure it out?
How drunk can I get my underage cousins before my parents figure it out?
I hope they don't get sick ...
But if they do, more apple pie for me.
What about grandma's apple pie anyway?
What if you don't like apples?
What if you vastly prefer cake?
Can you hate apples but still love apple pie?
Like people who love ketchup but hate tomatoes.
Are there people who don't like turkey?
What about tofurkey?
What the heck is tofurkey?
And what about turkey bacon?
And what about turducken?
And who on Earth looked at a turkey, a duck and a chicken and thought "they would taste good if we made it seem like the chicken ate the duck and a turkey ate the chicken."
That sounds a little sociopathic.
But seriously, who was the first person who saw a turkey and said, "hey! I bet that would taste good stuffed."
Speaking of which, aren't you thankful you're not a turkey?
That would be so weird.
I'd be all, "Ba-cock" and eat a bunch of cornmeal.
Do you prefer dark meat or white meat?
What if you're from Fairfield County?
I hear they have a pretty bad problem with Supercool down there.
Or have you not heard of UCB?
Yeah, that's a full column: Happy Holidays.
(By the way, from Merriam-Webster: "Mull: to grind or mix thoroughly, pulverize.")
How about your friends?
Your family?
All your annoying cousins?
Even the hot ones?
Thank goodness for cheap boxed wine at family reunions.
But what if you don't like boxed wine?
What about mulled cider?
How do you mull something anyway?
Does mulled just mean heated?
Can someone Wikipedia that?
Is there a difference between between mulled and spiked?
How drunk can I get before my parents figure it out?
How drunk can I get my underage cousins before my parents figure it out?
I hope they don't get sick ...
But if they do, more apple pie for me.
What about grandma's apple pie anyway?
What if you don't like apples?
What if you vastly prefer cake?
Can you hate apples but still love apple pie?
Like people who love ketchup but hate tomatoes.
Are there people who don't like turkey?
What about tofurkey?
What the heck is tofurkey?
And what about turkey bacon?
And what about turducken?
And who on Earth looked at a turkey, a duck and a chicken and thought "they would taste good if we made it seem like the chicken ate the duck and a turkey ate the chicken."
That sounds a little sociopathic.
But seriously, who was the first person who saw a turkey and said, "hey! I bet that would taste good stuffed."
Speaking of which, aren't you thankful you're not a turkey?
That would be so weird.
I'd be all, "Ba-cock" and eat a bunch of cornmeal.
Do you prefer dark meat or white meat?
What if you're from Fairfield County?
I hear they have a pretty bad problem with Supercool down there.
Or have you not heard of UCB?
Yeah, that's a full column: Happy Holidays.
(By the way, from Merriam-Webster: "Mull: to grind or mix thoroughly, pulverize.")
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