Spring Break
Looking back on the semester
John Bailey
Issue date: 12/3/08 Section: Focus
4. Oct. 15: When your male partner finds himself muttering "sorry, honey," a little too often, you should...
A. Encourage him to get in touch with his own sexual response patterns.
B. Put up posters of his likeness all over campus with the words "SHORT TRAIN, NO CABOOSE."
C. Sleep with his roommate.
5. Nov. 5: Barack Obama's election is good for men everywhere because...
A. We'll appreciate and attempt to emulate his intellectual-but-charismatic, restrained-but-confident masculinity.
B. We'll get tons better at jump shots, dancing and freestyle rapping.
C. We think he's much hotter than George Bush.
Correct answers: A, A, A, A, A. You all fail. The correct answer is always: talk, be open, be honest and then talk some more. If you'd been paying attention all semester instead of reading about and dumb movies and rock 'n' roll music, maybe you'd be able to get out of this quiz with your pride intact. As it is, you've demonstrated to me that none of you are fit to even possess genitalia - or cars, for that matter. I'll be sending someone around to collect your cars over the break.
A. Encourage him to get in touch with his own sexual response patterns.
B. Put up posters of his likeness all over campus with the words "SHORT TRAIN, NO CABOOSE."
C. Sleep with his roommate.
5. Nov. 5: Barack Obama's election is good for men everywhere because...
A. We'll appreciate and attempt to emulate his intellectual-but-charismatic, restrained-but-confident masculinity.
B. We'll get tons better at jump shots, dancing and freestyle rapping.
C. We think he's much hotter than George Bush.
Correct answers: A, A, A, A, A. You all fail. The correct answer is always: talk, be open, be honest and then talk some more. If you'd been paying attention all semester instead of reading about and dumb movies and rock 'n' roll music, maybe you'd be able to get out of this quiz with your pride intact. As it is, you've demonstrated to me that none of you are fit to even possess genitalia - or cars, for that matter. I'll be sending someone around to collect your cars over the break.
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