Spring Break
What does Jim Calhoun want for Christmas?
A fantasy Secret Santa with the men's basketball team
Kevin Duffy
Issue date: 12/8/08 Section: Sports
Eight members of the men's basketball team participated in the squad's annual "Secret Santa." Here's what went down:
Jerome Dyson draws Jonathan Mandeldove
The gift: A seat cushion.
The price: $9.99 at Wal-Mart.
The breakdown: Good look here from Dyson. Though the bench seats at Gampel are padded, "The Dove" spends so much time on them that he could use some extra cushion. Dyson also threw in an autographed picture of himself so Mandeldove could one day prove to his lanky children that he knew an NBA point guard.
Jeff Adrien draws Donnell Beverly
The gift: Membership to B.J.'s Wholesale Club.
The price: $80.00.
The breakdown: A thoughtful gift from an upperclassman. Beverly, who has vacated his freshman confines of Hilltop Suites, now lives in an apartment, according to the UConn phonebook, and is faced with the pressures of buying his own food instead of feasting at Putnam dining hall. Sure, Beverly can get some good deals with his Big Y card, but as Adrien has learned, there's nothing like wholesale. B.J.'s, which has two stores in the area - in Manchester and Willimantic - is the perfect place for college students to purchase groceries in bulk.
Hasheem Thabeet draws Johnnie Bird
The gift: A customized UConn No. 10 jersey with the name "Bird" on the back.
The price: $77.00 on Eastbay.
The breakdown: Thabeet comes through with perhaps the most thoughtful gift of the holiday season. Bird, a 6-foot walk-on senior from Bridgeport, deserves to have his name on his jersey. There are very few non-scholarship players who compose themselves on the court as well as Bird does. In a nutshell, Bird is UConn's version of "Rudy," except he doesn't suck.
Scottie Haralson draws Jim Calhoun
The gift: "Beyond Basketball: Coach K's Keywords for Success."
The price: $12.25 on Amazon.com.
The breakdown: Haralson hit the panic button here. What do you buy the man who has it all? What can a college freshman possibly get for his 66-year-old Hall of Fame coach? Anything but a book that outlines the basics of coaching basketball.
I understand Haralson's logic - Calhoun likes to read, he's a coach, the book is about coaching, so maybe he'd enjoy it - but the gift is almost a slap in the face because it was written by Mike Krzyzewski. For Haralson's sake, let's hope Calhoun finds some humor in it.
Bird draws Adrien
The gift: The new Jason Mraz CD, "We sing, We dance, We steal things."
The price: $9.99 on Amazon.com.
The breakdown: Uh-oh, the news is out. Adrien, the most intimidating player in the country, likes to roll up the windows in his car and belt out Mraz's hit single "I'm yours."
Deep down, I'm sure Adrien appreciates Bird's thoughtfulness, but he doesn't want his teammates - or the rest of the student body - to be aware of his soft side, which could potentially hurt his draft stock.
Mandeldove draws Thabeet
The gift: The answers to Thabeet's Psychology 135 final exam.
The price: $400 (Professor Lundquist drives a hard bargain).
The breakdown: Looks like a nice gift, right? Think again. Mandeldove used a middleman - freshman center Charles Okwandu - to buy the answers from Lundquist. He planned on ratting out Thabeet and Okwandu, who had agreed to take full responsibility for the bribery, with the hopes that Thabeet would get suspended from the team. This way, Mandeldove could at least stand a chance at beating out Jim Veronick for the starting center job. Thabeet is a little too smart for that, however. Upon opening the present, he tears it to shreds while classmate Gavin Edwards dives on the floor and desperately tries to tape it back together.
Beverly draws Dyson
The gift: List of ideas for creative dunks.
The price: Beverly's precious time.
The breakdown: Dyson is a tremendous athlete, but when it comes to dunking, he's lacking a bit in the creativity department. We've seen the one-handed, cock-it-back slam from Dyson about a thousand times. How about a windmill, Rome? How about a little off-the-backboard action? For goodness sake, just do a two-handed dunk once in a while. Beverly's list should inspire Dyson to mix it up a bit more in the coming weeks.
Calhoun draws Haralson
The gift: Nothing.
The price: Nothing.
The breakdown: Calhoun was going to give Haralson his first career start, but he was so insulted by Haralson's purchase of Krzyzewski's guide to coaching that he refused to give him anything. Haralson, all decked out in his Christmas sweater and Santa hat, walked away in utter disappointment. Adrien pulled the dejected freshman aside and explained that he too made the same mistake in his first Secret Santa at UConn.
"If you want to get on Coach's good side, buy him 'Jim Boeheim: Syracuse transition and early offense,'" Adrien said. "Go quick, Scottie. There's not much time."
That, my friends, is what we call senior leadership.
Jerome Dyson draws Jonathan Mandeldove
The gift: A seat cushion.
The price: $9.99 at Wal-Mart.
The breakdown: Good look here from Dyson. Though the bench seats at Gampel are padded, "The Dove" spends so much time on them that he could use some extra cushion. Dyson also threw in an autographed picture of himself so Mandeldove could one day prove to his lanky children that he knew an NBA point guard.
Jeff Adrien draws Donnell Beverly
The gift: Membership to B.J.'s Wholesale Club.
The price: $80.00.
The breakdown: A thoughtful gift from an upperclassman. Beverly, who has vacated his freshman confines of Hilltop Suites, now lives in an apartment, according to the UConn phonebook, and is faced with the pressures of buying his own food instead of feasting at Putnam dining hall. Sure, Beverly can get some good deals with his Big Y card, but as Adrien has learned, there's nothing like wholesale. B.J.'s, which has two stores in the area - in Manchester and Willimantic - is the perfect place for college students to purchase groceries in bulk.
Hasheem Thabeet draws Johnnie Bird
The gift: A customized UConn No. 10 jersey with the name "Bird" on the back.
The price: $77.00 on Eastbay.
The breakdown: Thabeet comes through with perhaps the most thoughtful gift of the holiday season. Bird, a 6-foot walk-on senior from Bridgeport, deserves to have his name on his jersey. There are very few non-scholarship players who compose themselves on the court as well as Bird does. In a nutshell, Bird is UConn's version of "Rudy," except he doesn't suck.
Scottie Haralson draws Jim Calhoun
The gift: "Beyond Basketball: Coach K's Keywords for Success."
The price: $12.25 on Amazon.com.
The breakdown: Haralson hit the panic button here. What do you buy the man who has it all? What can a college freshman possibly get for his 66-year-old Hall of Fame coach? Anything but a book that outlines the basics of coaching basketball.
I understand Haralson's logic - Calhoun likes to read, he's a coach, the book is about coaching, so maybe he'd enjoy it - but the gift is almost a slap in the face because it was written by Mike Krzyzewski. For Haralson's sake, let's hope Calhoun finds some humor in it.
Bird draws Adrien
The gift: The new Jason Mraz CD, "We sing, We dance, We steal things."
The price: $9.99 on Amazon.com.
The breakdown: Uh-oh, the news is out. Adrien, the most intimidating player in the country, likes to roll up the windows in his car and belt out Mraz's hit single "I'm yours."
Deep down, I'm sure Adrien appreciates Bird's thoughtfulness, but he doesn't want his teammates - or the rest of the student body - to be aware of his soft side, which could potentially hurt his draft stock.
Mandeldove draws Thabeet
The gift: The answers to Thabeet's Psychology 135 final exam.
The price: $400 (Professor Lundquist drives a hard bargain).
The breakdown: Looks like a nice gift, right? Think again. Mandeldove used a middleman - freshman center Charles Okwandu - to buy the answers from Lundquist. He planned on ratting out Thabeet and Okwandu, who had agreed to take full responsibility for the bribery, with the hopes that Thabeet would get suspended from the team. This way, Mandeldove could at least stand a chance at beating out Jim Veronick for the starting center job. Thabeet is a little too smart for that, however. Upon opening the present, he tears it to shreds while classmate Gavin Edwards dives on the floor and desperately tries to tape it back together.
Beverly draws Dyson
The gift: List of ideas for creative dunks.
The price: Beverly's precious time.
The breakdown: Dyson is a tremendous athlete, but when it comes to dunking, he's lacking a bit in the creativity department. We've seen the one-handed, cock-it-back slam from Dyson about a thousand times. How about a windmill, Rome? How about a little off-the-backboard action? For goodness sake, just do a two-handed dunk once in a while. Beverly's list should inspire Dyson to mix it up a bit more in the coming weeks.
Calhoun draws Haralson
The gift: Nothing.
The price: Nothing.
The breakdown: Calhoun was going to give Haralson his first career start, but he was so insulted by Haralson's purchase of Krzyzewski's guide to coaching that he refused to give him anything. Haralson, all decked out in his Christmas sweater and Santa hat, walked away in utter disappointment. Adrien pulled the dejected freshman aside and explained that he too made the same mistake in his first Secret Santa at UConn.
"If you want to get on Coach's good side, buy him 'Jim Boeheim: Syracuse transition and early offense,'" Adrien said. "Go quick, Scottie. There's not much time."
That, my friends, is what we call senior leadership.
Viewing Comments 1 - 3 of 4
Anoymounas
posted 12/09/08 @ 3:08 PM EST
i hope the newspaper bans idiotic articles like this. grow up!!!
Catherine Dering
posted 3/07/09 @ 12:58 AM EST
This sounds like a great program and a great way to improve education in our schools!
Courtney Shakeshaft
posted 3/07/09 @ 11:37 AM EST
I have to agree with teh poster above... :/ looks like a lot of hot air to me.
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