Spring Break
Nicole and Joel are expecting second child
Kevin Duffy
Issue date: 2/23/09 Section: Focus
Nicole Richie is pregnant - again.
Richie and boyfriend Joel Madden, the lead singer for Good Charlotte, recently announced that they're expecting their second child. The first, Harlow Winter Kate Madden, was born on Jan. 11, 2008.
"I am so happy to tell everyone that Harlow is going to be a big sister," Richie told the Los Angeles Times. "God has truly blessed my family. Hope [you're] all feeling as good as I am right now."
It's a beautiful little story, really. Richie, whose personal problems have been well-documented, has finally cleaned up her life and has settled down with a guy who thought it was cool to make his eyes look like they were bleeding.
While most members of the media will focus on what a great turnaround Richie has made and how her second pregnancy is a good thing, I'm going to examine the problems that will arise with this "good" news:
1. Richie's figure
According to Babycenter.com, the average weight gain during pregnancy is 25-35 pounds. That's twice Richie's body weight. She'll can make one of two choices in the following nine months: A. Eat food or B. Continue to get most of her calories and nutrients from cocaine. She went with Choice A in her last pregnancy, but we all know a part of her is itching for the second option. For the sake of her unborn child and her family, let's hope Richie steers clear of the nose candy until the baby is born.
2. The Baby's Style
After extensive investigation, it has been determined that Harlow--the couples first child--is indeed a female. There isn't much concern over Harlow's style--she will likely take after her mother, who, minus the drug and eating problems, is an attractive woman with a good eye for fashion. Madden, on the other hand, isn't so in-touch with what's cool and what's cool. God forbid this kid is a boy, there is no way he can go to pre-school with a mohawk, a pierced lip and purple make-up dripping from his eyes. There's no way he can walk through the halls in his high school listening to "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous." The poor kid will get eaten alive--he'll be the biggest loser at Beverly Hills high. Madden has to take a step-back and look at how ridiculous he is. He has to do everything in his power to not let his son become as weird as him.
3. Paris Hilton's self-esteem
Hilton will surely say she's happy for Richie, but deep down, its obvious that she is jealous. The one-time bff's have taken two separate paths. Richie has settled down with a successful boyfriend (if you want to call him that) and a growing family while Hilton is still living like a teenager. Richie is no longer in her "Top Friends" on MySpace. Those two spots are now occupied by Conrad Hilton (Paris' brother) and "Paris Hilton Lover Official," which must be some kind of sick and twisted Paris fan club. The saddest part of Hilton's life: Jamie Lynn Spears just posted on her MySpace wall. Good to see Paris is hanging out with so many adults these days. Hit MTV reality show "Paris Hilton's My New Bff" is nearing the season-finale. We can only hope that Hilton finds what she's looking for, because at this point, its clear she's lost her old bff forever.
Richie and boyfriend Joel Madden, the lead singer for Good Charlotte, recently announced that they're expecting their second child. The first, Harlow Winter Kate Madden, was born on Jan. 11, 2008.
"I am so happy to tell everyone that Harlow is going to be a big sister," Richie told the Los Angeles Times. "God has truly blessed my family. Hope [you're] all feeling as good as I am right now."
It's a beautiful little story, really. Richie, whose personal problems have been well-documented, has finally cleaned up her life and has settled down with a guy who thought it was cool to make his eyes look like they were bleeding.
While most members of the media will focus on what a great turnaround Richie has made and how her second pregnancy is a good thing, I'm going to examine the problems that will arise with this "good" news:
1. Richie's figure
According to Babycenter.com, the average weight gain during pregnancy is 25-35 pounds. That's twice Richie's body weight. She'll can make one of two choices in the following nine months: A. Eat food or B. Continue to get most of her calories and nutrients from cocaine. She went with Choice A in her last pregnancy, but we all know a part of her is itching for the second option. For the sake of her unborn child and her family, let's hope Richie steers clear of the nose candy until the baby is born.
2. The Baby's Style
After extensive investigation, it has been determined that Harlow--the couples first child--is indeed a female. There isn't much concern over Harlow's style--she will likely take after her mother, who, minus the drug and eating problems, is an attractive woman with a good eye for fashion. Madden, on the other hand, isn't so in-touch with what's cool and what's cool. God forbid this kid is a boy, there is no way he can go to pre-school with a mohawk, a pierced lip and purple make-up dripping from his eyes. There's no way he can walk through the halls in his high school listening to "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous." The poor kid will get eaten alive--he'll be the biggest loser at Beverly Hills high. Madden has to take a step-back and look at how ridiculous he is. He has to do everything in his power to not let his son become as weird as him.
3. Paris Hilton's self-esteem
Hilton will surely say she's happy for Richie, but deep down, its obvious that she is jealous. The one-time bff's have taken two separate paths. Richie has settled down with a successful boyfriend (if you want to call him that) and a growing family while Hilton is still living like a teenager. Richie is no longer in her "Top Friends" on MySpace. Those two spots are now occupied by Conrad Hilton (Paris' brother) and "Paris Hilton Lover Official," which must be some kind of sick and twisted Paris fan club. The saddest part of Hilton's life: Jamie Lynn Spears just posted on her MySpace wall. Good to see Paris is hanging out with so many adults these days. Hit MTV reality show "Paris Hilton's My New Bff" is nearing the season-finale. We can only hope that Hilton finds what she's looking for, because at this point, its clear she's lost her old bff forever.
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