Spring Break
Plays that Shakespeare almost wrote
John Bailey
Issue date: 2/27/09 Section: Focus
Shakespeare, prolific as he was, didn't write every play. In fact, there are quite a few that he never touched. Gaze upon the wondrous glow of "might-have-been!"
The Hairy Guys of Windsor
Sir John Falstaff, upon arriving in Windsor, Connecticut, needs a plumber. He sends two hairy plumbers identical work orders, and they both try to fix his sink at once. Meanwhile, three other hairy plumbers are fixing a sink somewhere else. This causes a great scandal among the people of Windsor.
Romeo and Puck
Oxford's Shakespeare scholars once found notes hidden inside the legendary 5th Quarto version of Hamlet, towards a version of "Romeo and Juliet" where Puck replaces the Capulet girl. Details are vague, but the Bard alludes to Puck being "really hot," with "cool hair and grey eyes," and apparently "everyone wants to sleep with Puck." Another rumored version involves Ash Ketchum, but no evidence has yet been found.
Yorick Gets It Done
Fortinbras: Take up the bodies, such a sight as this
Becomes the field, but here shows much amiss.
Go, bid the soldiers shoot."
Exeunt.
Enter Yorick, with Machine Gun.
Yorick: Die motherf---er, die! Time's up b----, close your eyes! Go to sleep, b----, why are you still alive! How many times I gotta say, close your eyes!
Macbeth: Werewolf Edition
Macmoon: Is this a moon I see before me, the moon toward my moon? Come, let me moon thee!
Lady Macmoon: "Out, moon'd moon! Moon moon moon!"
Moonduff: Moonduff was from his mother's moon untimely mooned!"
Rent
Both the lyrics and book of "Rent" were written by Jonathan Larson. The play ran for 12 years on Broadway, garnering critical acclaim and a Tony Award for Best Musical. Contrary to popular belief, William Shakespeare had nothing to do with "Rent" in any way, not even the songs "Tango: Shakespeare" and "Seasons of William Shakespeare Wrote This One". In fact, Shakespeare died hundreds of years before "Rent" was written.
The Hairy Guys of Windsor
Sir John Falstaff, upon arriving in Windsor, Connecticut, needs a plumber. He sends two hairy plumbers identical work orders, and they both try to fix his sink at once. Meanwhile, three other hairy plumbers are fixing a sink somewhere else. This causes a great scandal among the people of Windsor.
Romeo and Puck
Oxford's Shakespeare scholars once found notes hidden inside the legendary 5th Quarto version of Hamlet, towards a version of "Romeo and Juliet" where Puck replaces the Capulet girl. Details are vague, but the Bard alludes to Puck being "really hot," with "cool hair and grey eyes," and apparently "everyone wants to sleep with Puck." Another rumored version involves Ash Ketchum, but no evidence has yet been found.
Yorick Gets It Done
Fortinbras: Take up the bodies, such a sight as this
Becomes the field, but here shows much amiss.
Go, bid the soldiers shoot."
Exeunt.
Enter Yorick, with Machine Gun.
Yorick: Die motherf---er, die! Time's up b----, close your eyes! Go to sleep, b----, why are you still alive! How many times I gotta say, close your eyes!
Macbeth: Werewolf Edition
Macmoon: Is this a moon I see before me, the moon toward my moon? Come, let me moon thee!
Lady Macmoon: "Out, moon'd moon! Moon moon moon!"
Moonduff: Moonduff was from his mother's moon untimely mooned!"
Rent
Both the lyrics and book of "Rent" were written by Jonathan Larson. The play ran for 12 years on Broadway, garnering critical acclaim and a Tony Award for Best Musical. Contrary to popular belief, William Shakespeare had nothing to do with "Rent" in any way, not even the songs "Tango: Shakespeare" and "Seasons of William Shakespeare Wrote This One". In fact, Shakespeare died hundreds of years before "Rent" was written.
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