Spring Break
A guide to "fan-boyism"
Fernando Dutra
Issue date: 3/3/09 Section: Focus
For the neophytes attempting to shoulder their way into the harsh, unaccepting society that is gaming culture, consider this a guide. This will ensure that you are heard, albeit in a biased and short-sighted way. Welcome to the world of the fanboy, those who make up the throbbing, smoldering epicenter of the Internet forum cosmos.
Dismiss.
Ignore the article, feature or piece outright. Claim that it is irrelevant. Recommended suggestions include "lol," "Fanboy alert!," "Bootless," "This is old news," or "Another dumb article." The goal is to be as concise and offensive as possible. When in a tight spot, "boobs" should do the trick.
Discredit.
Disesteem anything about the article, including sources, quotes and even the author. Forget the plausible and common occurrence of editors modifying or cutting content and changing titles. Say he was weaned on Nintendo from birth. Claim to have seen that while the author was having dinner with Don Mattrick, you saw the author get down on one knee and propose to him. At Sony's latest conference you saw him starry-eyed with Kaz Hirai, talking about the wonders of four dimensional gaming. At Reggie Fils-Aime's sleepover party, you heard the author clambering up to the roof and screaming "I love my new best friend!" before the police intervened. Don't let society constrain you into politically correct statements; the Internet is a nebulous, lawless place.
Spin.
Remember, you are an unpaid salesman for one of the Big Three. Aside from discrediting the author of the article in question (see above), you also have to twist the story for anyone reading. Mention how the author didn't talk about exclusives for the console, or how recently released statistics bolster your claim. Never mind that you just said the author's sources were biased, since you're going to use your own slanted ones to prove your point! Remember - if at the end of the day you've convinced even a single person to buy the console you're advocating or have someone to completely agree with you - you win absolutely nothing, except for the smug satisfaction at the expense of the author. Make sure to keep all of your comments on your resume for when you go for that PR job for one of these companies.
Dismiss.
Ignore the article, feature or piece outright. Claim that it is irrelevant. Recommended suggestions include "lol," "Fanboy alert!," "Bootless," "This is old news," or "Another dumb article." The goal is to be as concise and offensive as possible. When in a tight spot, "boobs" should do the trick.
Discredit.
Disesteem anything about the article, including sources, quotes and even the author. Forget the plausible and common occurrence of editors modifying or cutting content and changing titles. Say he was weaned on Nintendo from birth. Claim to have seen that while the author was having dinner with Don Mattrick, you saw the author get down on one knee and propose to him. At Sony's latest conference you saw him starry-eyed with Kaz Hirai, talking about the wonders of four dimensional gaming. At Reggie Fils-Aime's sleepover party, you heard the author clambering up to the roof and screaming "I love my new best friend!" before the police intervened. Don't let society constrain you into politically correct statements; the Internet is a nebulous, lawless place.
Spin.
Remember, you are an unpaid salesman for one of the Big Three. Aside from discrediting the author of the article in question (see above), you also have to twist the story for anyone reading. Mention how the author didn't talk about exclusives for the console, or how recently released statistics bolster your claim. Never mind that you just said the author's sources were biased, since you're going to use your own slanted ones to prove your point! Remember - if at the end of the day you've convinced even a single person to buy the console you're advocating or have someone to completely agree with you - you win absolutely nothing, except for the smug satisfaction at the expense of the author. Make sure to keep all of your comments on your resume for when you go for that PR job for one of these companies.
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