Spring Break
How to give good human
John Bailey
Issue date: 3/4/09 Section: Focus
Complaining about Cosmo-politan is like beating a dead horse with a dead horse. But listen, Cosmopolitan, you've got a lot to answer for. A recent Cosmopolitan.com article called "How to Give Good Girlfriend" purported to hook ladies up with all the pro-tips on good girlfriend behavior (as opposed to being a bad dog! No! Never on the carpet!). Unsurprisingly, the only insights I was able to glean from the list were:
- Men hate bed and breakfasts,
- Men can't read more than two sentences at once,
- Men are terrified of public intimacy, and
- Men hate when their girlfriends are also their good friends.
Maybe I'm not a man. Maybe I'm hormonally a woman. Maybe I'm a very intelligent form of plant life. But listen, I've got another list: the official Sex and the UniverCity guide on "How to Give Good Human."
Do: Be willing to compromise.
No two people share exactly the same interests, unless you're half-clone, half-cyborg aliens from the planets Unrealistic and Boring. People are fascinating because they're different, and people only get along because they fight sometimes. It's silly to assume you'll always want to do the same thing. Maybe they want to watch "the game," and you'd rather choke yourself with an octopus. But you drag yourself to Skipp's house anyway and settle in for three hours of stumbling, grunting men; tomorrow, your boyfriend has to come and watch you beat yourself at chess.
Don't: Bore yourself to tears doing boring crap you hate.
If your average "romantic night" includes taking turns being bored with each other's interests, maybe you're not doing anything "wrong"; maybe you're not sending the wrong messages, maybe you're not using the wrong body language. Maybe you're just completely incompatible and should probably break up. If the activities you most enjoy involve nothing that your partner wants to do, how can you ever possibly be happy with them in the long-term?
Do: Make presents meaningful.
- Men hate bed and breakfasts,
- Men can't read more than two sentences at once,
- Men are terrified of public intimacy, and
- Men hate when their girlfriends are also their good friends.
Maybe I'm not a man. Maybe I'm hormonally a woman. Maybe I'm a very intelligent form of plant life. But listen, I've got another list: the official Sex and the UniverCity guide on "How to Give Good Human."
Do: Be willing to compromise.
No two people share exactly the same interests, unless you're half-clone, half-cyborg aliens from the planets Unrealistic and Boring. People are fascinating because they're different, and people only get along because they fight sometimes. It's silly to assume you'll always want to do the same thing. Maybe they want to watch "the game," and you'd rather choke yourself with an octopus. But you drag yourself to Skipp's house anyway and settle in for three hours of stumbling, grunting men; tomorrow, your boyfriend has to come and watch you beat yourself at chess.
Don't: Bore yourself to tears doing boring crap you hate.
If your average "romantic night" includes taking turns being bored with each other's interests, maybe you're not doing anything "wrong"; maybe you're not sending the wrong messages, maybe you're not using the wrong body language. Maybe you're just completely incompatible and should probably break up. If the activities you most enjoy involve nothing that your partner wants to do, how can you ever possibly be happy with them in the long-term?
Do: Make presents meaningful.
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