Spring Break
Time to re-evaluate your meal plan selection
Bryan Murphy
Issue date: 4/9/09 Section: Commentary
So the economy is, like, bad, right? But you've gotta, like, eat and drink, right? So I mean, there's a quandry right there. Eating and drinking costs money.
But luckily, there is an answer to this problem! And that answer is the same as the answer to every other problem: mathematics.
Which is kinda funny, because mathetmatics is probably why you don't have much money right now. Goldman Sachs' chief financial officer is the author of my favorite quote from the entire recession, which was uttered as he tried to explain why his firm's mathematically-invincible funds were tanking:
"We were seeing [losses] that were 25-standard deviation moves, several days in a row," he moaned.
So there you have it! No one could have seen the recession coming. Just bad luck, old chap.
Remarkably bad luck, actually - considering that a six-standard-deviation loss should occur about once every 4 billion years. The entire universe isn't old enough for a single 16-standard-deviation event, loss or gain, to have even happened yet, and so a 25-standard deviation event loss should occur about once every [number of particles in the entire universe * 10 sexdecillion] years. Google sexdecillion].
But that is bad math; let's focus on good math, aka my math. Let's try to answer the problem of how, while on-campus, to eat as much, and as much that is delicious, for as little as possible.
For the relatively small number of you living off-campus, the answer is simple: buy and eat whatever you feel like, and then throw parties where you charge freshmen $5 a cup for keg beer they're never going to get and arguably never existed. Number of freshmen on-campus: 3,604. Number of freshmen on-campus who will probably pay you $5 for a red plastic cup: 3,604.
For those of us on-campus, eating means buying a meal plan. So the question then becomes, which meal plan to buy? Well, each of the meal plans offer unlimited access to the dining halls. But the dining halls tend to suck, and some of the meal plans offer points, which are redeemable for heavenly burritos in the Student Union food court and celestial chili-cheese fries at Chuck & Augie's, among other things. Cost of each meal plan, and number of points each plan offers: "custom" plan: $1,998, 0 points. "value" plan: $2,105, 200 points. "ultimate" plan, $2,207, 500 points. Which to buy?
But luckily, there is an answer to this problem! And that answer is the same as the answer to every other problem: mathematics.
Which is kinda funny, because mathetmatics is probably why you don't have much money right now. Goldman Sachs' chief financial officer is the author of my favorite quote from the entire recession, which was uttered as he tried to explain why his firm's mathematically-invincible funds were tanking:
"We were seeing [losses] that were 25-standard deviation moves, several days in a row," he moaned.
So there you have it! No one could have seen the recession coming. Just bad luck, old chap.
Remarkably bad luck, actually - considering that a six-standard-deviation loss should occur about once every 4 billion years. The entire universe isn't old enough for a single 16-standard-deviation event, loss or gain, to have even happened yet, and so a 25-standard deviation event loss should occur about once every [number of particles in the entire universe * 10 sexdecillion] years. Google sexdecillion].
But that is bad math; let's focus on good math, aka my math. Let's try to answer the problem of how, while on-campus, to eat as much, and as much that is delicious, for as little as possible.
For the relatively small number of you living off-campus, the answer is simple: buy and eat whatever you feel like, and then throw parties where you charge freshmen $5 a cup for keg beer they're never going to get and arguably never existed. Number of freshmen on-campus: 3,604. Number of freshmen on-campus who will probably pay you $5 for a red plastic cup: 3,604.
For those of us on-campus, eating means buying a meal plan. So the question then becomes, which meal plan to buy? Well, each of the meal plans offer unlimited access to the dining halls. But the dining halls tend to suck, and some of the meal plans offer points, which are redeemable for heavenly burritos in the Student Union food court and celestial chili-cheese fries at Chuck & Augie's, among other things. Cost of each meal plan, and number of points each plan offers: "custom" plan: $1,998, 0 points. "value" plan: $2,105, 200 points. "ultimate" plan, $2,207, 500 points. Which to buy?
Viewing Comments 1 - 1 of 2
Juan
posted 4/09/09 @ 5:47 PM EST
By your math, the ultimate plan would only be about $11 dollars cheaper than the custom plan + $209 in husky bucks, and since husky bucks have the added benefit of carrying over into the next semester and possessing greater liquidity. (Continued…)
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