Spring Break
Getting drunk on the cheap? Totally doable
Bryan Murphy
Issue date: 4/16/09 Section: Commentary
The Spring Weekend cometh. Clearly, intoxication is in order. But alcohol can be expensive! So you may ask yourself, what's the most cost-effective intoxicant available locally? A good question! It is time, then, for another round of "Useful UConn Statistics," the "Getting Drunk Cheaply" edition.
First, some background detail. One gets drunk by imbibing ethanol, and so I've calculated the price per ounce of pure ethanol in the most popular alcoholic beverages on UConn's campus, in their most cost-effective sizes - so, a keg of beer and not a six-pack, a handle of vodka and not a fifth, etc. I also calculated the cost based on what the U.S. government defines as a "drink."
In addition, the same beverages of the same volume aren't the same price everywhere. There are many choices near to UConn for your liquor purchases - Villa, Holiday, Ted's - all of which are pricey. If you're planning on buying booze for a massive party, you might as well drive a few extra miles to get a better deal. Head to Worldwide Wine Cellars near Big Y in Tolland - it's about 8 miles from campus. Far, but it has better prices and oozes class. Look at it this way: campus stores are to hungover brosephines looking for 30-racks of Keystone as Worldwide is to sharply-dressed older women picking up a few bottles of Côtes du Rhône. I'm just saying.
And now, for the numbers.
For a large party, the four mainstays of efficient large scale Husky inebriation are a keg of beer, a handle of Dubra vodka, a handle of Graves grain alcohol and a box of cheap wine. Deservedly so, as the numbers reveal.
For a keg of beer, the only reasonable choice is Natural Ice. All keg light beers taste like you're watching your parents get gunned down in a back alley, so unless you're planning on living a life of sober crime-fighting, you might as well go for the Natty, with its awesome 5.9 percent alcohol by volume (ABV). Worldwide Wine Cellars actually doesn't sell kegs, sadly, so I got my quote from Villa: $68 for a 15.5 gallon drum, equal to 117.06 ounces of pure ethanol. A keg of Natural Ice: 58.09 cents per ounce, 34.86 cents per drink.
First, some background detail. One gets drunk by imbibing ethanol, and so I've calculated the price per ounce of pure ethanol in the most popular alcoholic beverages on UConn's campus, in their most cost-effective sizes - so, a keg of beer and not a six-pack, a handle of vodka and not a fifth, etc. I also calculated the cost based on what the U.S. government defines as a "drink."
In addition, the same beverages of the same volume aren't the same price everywhere. There are many choices near to UConn for your liquor purchases - Villa, Holiday, Ted's - all of which are pricey. If you're planning on buying booze for a massive party, you might as well drive a few extra miles to get a better deal. Head to Worldwide Wine Cellars near Big Y in Tolland - it's about 8 miles from campus. Far, but it has better prices and oozes class. Look at it this way: campus stores are to hungover brosephines looking for 30-racks of Keystone as Worldwide is to sharply-dressed older women picking up a few bottles of Côtes du Rhône. I'm just saying.
And now, for the numbers.
For a large party, the four mainstays of efficient large scale Husky inebriation are a keg of beer, a handle of Dubra vodka, a handle of Graves grain alcohol and a box of cheap wine. Deservedly so, as the numbers reveal.
For a keg of beer, the only reasonable choice is Natural Ice. All keg light beers taste like you're watching your parents get gunned down in a back alley, so unless you're planning on living a life of sober crime-fighting, you might as well go for the Natty, with its awesome 5.9 percent alcohol by volume (ABV). Worldwide Wine Cellars actually doesn't sell kegs, sadly, so I got my quote from Villa: $68 for a 15.5 gallon drum, equal to 117.06 ounces of pure ethanol. A keg of Natural Ice: 58.09 cents per ounce, 34.86 cents per drink.
Viewing Comments 1 - 2 of 2
Kim
posted 4/16/09 @ 11:06 AM EST
I know I'm blonde, but I just don't get how beer can be 58.09 cents per ounce and only 34.86 cents per drink! The beers I usually drink are around 12 ounces. (Continued…)
John Smith
posted 4/17/09 @ 6:27 PM EST
This reminded me of nothing so much as the North American Booze Council's measure of the cost-effectiveness of any given alcoholic beverage, the Bodine. (Continued…)
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