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Instant Daily

Issue date: 4/30/09 Section: Commentary
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You know something's wrong with American culture when you hear about a dangerous flu outbreak and think, "I wonder what Jon Stewart will have to say about that?"

Today I saw a squirrel run out of the woods with an entire cookie in its mouth. This leads me to believe that the Keebler elves are real and live somewhere between North and Charter Oak.

I go to Central just to use the trays.

Without the InstantDaily over the summer, I am afraid I will lose my motivation to come up with witty one-liners that impress my friends. How will I survive?

Today I waved my hands for 10 seconds waiting for the sinks in Gentry to turn on. Then I realized they weren't automatic.

Kevin Duffy, when you graduate in May, the InstantDaily will be all I have left.

I have multiple personalities and all of them have a serious issue with procrastination.

I refuse to study for finals until I get into the InstantDaily.

I've been trying to figure out how many brain cells I lost over the course of Spring Weekend. Turns out I don't have enough left to calculate that number.

I challenge Jeff Adrien to a fight. Meet me in the middle of Fairfield Way at 8 p.m. on Thursday, June 25.

Only in McMahon would they have a freaking piano outside of a study lounge. Way to go.
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