Spring Break
Finals week: You can do it, you have the technology
John Bailey
Issue date: 5/1/09 Section: Focus
Studying sucks. America is full of inventors. That looks like a problem and a solution, standing two feet away but pretending they don't know each other. C'mon, you two, fess up, I saw you kissing on the stairwell last night. You know you're our collective cramming messiahs. You know you've got all the ideas. Spill the beans.
Fine. Don't want to talk? Good thing I'm crazy telepathic. Guess what they were hiding!
AutoPen
On essay-based exams, professors sometimes recommend that you write the whole damn thing out in advance. Then you show up in class and your ideas are already lined up, smiling happily up at you from their little mental boxes. Useful, right? Nope. Waste of time. Check this out: AutoPen. It remembers everything Professor Pumpthrob ever said about the household clay industry of Tazmania while you were busy drinking away your hangover - and then writes your essay for you. The buttons are kinda small, though; students with broad thumbs may want to be careful when programming the AutoPen. You don't want "My Stuff/My Stories/Erotic Fanfiction/Prof Pumpy and Me.doc" ending up on your exam.
Subtracterall
Much like its more famous cousin, Subtracterall helps you get your work done - by causing it to disappear! Yes, one dose of these pretty pink pills and all those exams are nowhere to be found. Intimidated by those pages of notes? Don't be - out of sight, out of mind. Never feast your eyes on another red-pen "F" again! For that matter, you don't have to feast your eyes on anything else, either, because Subtracterall actually just makes you blind.
Self-Limiting Ethernet Cable
I'm not kidding. This would be so clutch. Ever tried studying? Ever been on the internet? The two can't exist at the same time, right? Exactly. I was trying to write a paper today, and I ended up reading about deleted non-canon scenes from "Knights of the Old Republic 2" on Wookieepedia (true story). We just need Ethernet cables that stop working when we've got exams coming up. "Peace out, man, I'm gone. What would your mother think?" Or maybe they melt. Or maybe they just turn into extremely venomous cobras, I don't know.
Fine. Don't want to talk? Good thing I'm crazy telepathic. Guess what they were hiding!
AutoPen
On essay-based exams, professors sometimes recommend that you write the whole damn thing out in advance. Then you show up in class and your ideas are already lined up, smiling happily up at you from their little mental boxes. Useful, right? Nope. Waste of time. Check this out: AutoPen. It remembers everything Professor Pumpthrob ever said about the household clay industry of Tazmania while you were busy drinking away your hangover - and then writes your essay for you. The buttons are kinda small, though; students with broad thumbs may want to be careful when programming the AutoPen. You don't want "My Stuff/My Stories/Erotic Fanfiction/Prof Pumpy and Me.doc" ending up on your exam.
Subtracterall
Much like its more famous cousin, Subtracterall helps you get your work done - by causing it to disappear! Yes, one dose of these pretty pink pills and all those exams are nowhere to be found. Intimidated by those pages of notes? Don't be - out of sight, out of mind. Never feast your eyes on another red-pen "F" again! For that matter, you don't have to feast your eyes on anything else, either, because Subtracterall actually just makes you blind.
Self-Limiting Ethernet Cable
I'm not kidding. This would be so clutch. Ever tried studying? Ever been on the internet? The two can't exist at the same time, right? Exactly. I was trying to write a paper today, and I ended up reading about deleted non-canon scenes from "Knights of the Old Republic 2" on Wookieepedia (true story). We just need Ethernet cables that stop working when we've got exams coming up. "Peace out, man, I'm gone. What would your mother think?" Or maybe they melt. Or maybe they just turn into extremely venomous cobras, I don't know.
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