Spring Break
What to do with your graduation stuff
Brenna Harvey
Issue date: 5/10/09 Section: Focus
So you made it to graduation day. You've seen more all-nighters than full nights of sleep and you had to sell that kidney to pay your textbook debts. You haven't been to a party in years and can only remember what sex you're attracted to by reading your middle-school diary. You had to go to your professor's office hours and look through his entire collection of nude self-portraits before he would talk to you about your term paper. In short, the scholastic establishment threw every possible obstacle and indignity your way, but you made it.
There's just one more little custom you have to suffer through and then you're done. You have to shell out a few more bucks for a silly outfit so you can walk on a stage to collect a piece of paper. But hey, while your graduation gear may seem like one last petty insult from the university, it doesn't have to be. You can get plenty of fun and excitement out of that cap, gown and diploma that the school didn't anticipate.
The degree you always wanted
So you fought and struggled for a diploma to prove you're an expert in a field you don't care about. You want a little closure for all those hours of pointless toil, but your degree is too thick for rolling paper, and using it as toilet paper will probably create more traumatic memories than it will lay to rest. What to do?
Hey, education may have stolen years of your life, but it can't steal your dreams. Grab some white out and get rid of that "biomedical engineering" junk. Replace it with your childhood dream degree. Maybe you're an animal science major with a concentration in rocket horses and merma-corns. Maybe you pursued a dual degree in cotton candy and electric space guitars. If you can dream it, you can pretend you majored in it!
Professor Boogeyman
"Sally, I hear from your teacher that you haven't been doing your homework."
"Yeah, school is for losers!"
"Sally, if you don't do it, Professor Boogeyman will come into your room at night and spit number-two pencils in your eyes."
There's just one more little custom you have to suffer through and then you're done. You have to shell out a few more bucks for a silly outfit so you can walk on a stage to collect a piece of paper. But hey, while your graduation gear may seem like one last petty insult from the university, it doesn't have to be. You can get plenty of fun and excitement out of that cap, gown and diploma that the school didn't anticipate.
The degree you always wanted
So you fought and struggled for a diploma to prove you're an expert in a field you don't care about. You want a little closure for all those hours of pointless toil, but your degree is too thick for rolling paper, and using it as toilet paper will probably create more traumatic memories than it will lay to rest. What to do?
Hey, education may have stolen years of your life, but it can't steal your dreams. Grab some white out and get rid of that "biomedical engineering" junk. Replace it with your childhood dream degree. Maybe you're an animal science major with a concentration in rocket horses and merma-corns. Maybe you pursued a dual degree in cotton candy and electric space guitars. If you can dream it, you can pretend you majored in it!
Professor Boogeyman
"Sally, I hear from your teacher that you haven't been doing your homework."
"Yeah, school is for losers!"
"Sally, if you don't do it, Professor Boogeyman will come into your room at night and spit number-two pencils in your eyes."
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